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dating

Why Do Nice Guy Finish Last?

A year ago, I’m working at my job where I help a lot of my Co-workers at their tasks added that I’m more knowledgeable than my Co-workers on specific things.

A girl I met at that company is nice to me because of my helping nature, and eventually I got attracted to her and asked if she wants to go to lunch with me.

But I noticed that other guys in the office tried to be nice and be helpful ONLY to her, as if they only help her, to find them attractive. Which resulted in them being a low value and only do nice things as a means to attract the girl.

I believe this is where the phrase “nice guy finishes last” came from.

If you are in a bar and met an attractive girl, then you tried to buy her a drink just to have the chance to talk to her, then you probably know that buying drinks out of nowhere doesn’t work.

And why is that? To answer this question, I’ll illustrate it with 3 scenarios.

Imagine a scenario where your best friend asks you to buy them a drink, do you just buy them a drink right away? Think about that for a minute.

Now imagine you just met a normal-looking girl and asks you to buy her a drink, would you buy it right away? Hold on to your answer for now.

Last one, if an attractive girl that you just met in a bar asks you to buy her a drink, would you but it right away? If your answer to all 3 questions is a staggering “Yes”, then it’s either you have a low-value self-esteem or you’re the person who say yes to everything.

I’ll explain my point of view, if an attractive girl asks me to buy her a drink.

My response would be “Why?”, why should I buy her a drink, do I like her? And if yes, how in the world did I like her if I just met her? Do I only look at her attractiveness?

See all those questions, girls know this.

A guy that only wants their looks will be overwhelmingly nice to them right off the bat with no logical reason, and that produces creepiness since that guy has an intent.

Added to that, a girl will feel like the guy only wants sex with her, since he’s only after her looks.

A high-value man looks not only at the girl’s outer appearance but also looks for a girl’s personality.

So what did my Co-workers did wrong? Their intent is to attract the girl by helping them.

Which the girl noticed and find it creepy in return.

So, should you just force yourself to help people? Uhm, I don’t force myself to help people, I naturally help people.

Also, it’s not about helping, it’s about being a great guy. I just use “helping” as an example.

Look at your principles and values in life. See, if you have a dislike or like towards doing good, and if you dislike doing good, try to figure out why.

To become a high-value man is not a simple trick that you only need to do 1 thing and you’ll change.

That’s not the case.

You need to set properly your principles and values which I’ll talk about in my future blogs.

So answering the question of the blog “why do nice guys finish last?”, the answer is no, a true nice guy doesn’t finish last, a fake nice guy? Yes, most of the time they finish last.

Categories
dating

Best Dating Advice For Newbies

It all started with “Hey, wanna grab lunch with me?”, for others they might not consider it as a date, but her reactions tells me everything I need to know.

She reacted in a way that if I can describe it in words, it sounded like “hell yeah!” (with a victory gesture by clenching her fist like illustrated in the picture below)

I will share with you what I learned from my experiences.

Be fun, just be fun—At the first few dates girls will not want your drama, or anxiety, or anything like that. So, just be fun, make them happy, show them all the bright and wonderful things. Don’t burden her with your problems.

Casual questions or personal questions? This one is tricky. You need to gauge if she’s comfortable with you asking personal questions or not, but here are the following questions that worked well for me:

  • Ask them if they can cook (this question tells her you’re interested in being with her for a long-term relationship)
  • Ask them which countries they want to live for good (this question is only applicable when she lives in another country and looking for long-term relationship)

Don’t bring up your past—Never ever talk about other girls or your past girlfriends!, imagine the feeling if she ever tried to talk about other guy (dating or exes) when both of you are dating. I think it signals that she’s bored in the date or to test you.

Be prepared—Have a story to tell about yourself, prepare a script to memorize if you need to, but don’t stick with it too strictly just follow the structure of the script.

Prospecting—Think about what knowledge you have about the girl prior to the first meeting. Did you meet them through a blind date? Tinder? Arts and museum. Use those informations to come up with a topic to talk about.

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dating

Talking With Women

First thing you need to know is women make their own decisions.

So, don’t look for a guide on how a woman will want to talk to you, or worse, how to make them chase you.

But seriously, how do you talk with women? Just talk to them like a normal person. Okay, let me explain it a little more.

The way I talk to a guy is the same way I talk to a woman.

You might ask me, “but that will not result in the guy being in a relationship with the woman, right?”

Yes, you might be right. Because whenever I talk to a woman, my intent is just to talk to them and have fun talking with them.

So, how do you make your intent clean? By making yourself clean and respecting woman.

I remember saying to my female friends that if any of their guy friends are hitting on them, then they’re not real friends, they’re just there to wait for an opportunity. Which I consider being disgusting, I apologize if you’re one of those guys, it’s just my opinion.

Most of my conversations lead to nowhere.

But if it clicked, if I liked the girl after knowing her, then I would be honest with her. Either I ask her to go to lunch, or a date. If she said “No”, then try to accept it and it’s still fine to have conversations with her.

Let’s say you tried to talk to girls, and they acted like you’re a guy with an ill intent towards them even if your intent is to only talk to them, then I suggest you need to adjust your overall mindset, tonal, body language and more. We will discuss this topic in the future, for now let’s put it on the back burner.

So does it mean that I get to talk with every woman?

The answer is No. I told you in the beginning “women makes their own decisions”, if for whatever reason they don’t want to talk with you then you need to accept that and move on.

Remember that doesn’t make them a bad person, I’m sure there are people in your life who you don’t want to have a conversation with.

Is there any difference in talking to a woman compared to a woman you love?

Yes! So, what’s the difference then?

Before I explain the difference, I just want to put out that second thing you need to know is that you need to be congruent with your feelings.

Let’s run a scenario 1 where you like a girl and she also likes you back, how do you think the way you treat her will differ?

You’ll be more sweet, thoughtful, trying your best to make her happy and many more.

Scenario 2 is when you like her but she doesn’t like you back, can you still be this sweet and thoughtful guy towards her?

My answer would be Yes, but don’t break boundaries. If it’s in your nature to be sweet and thoughtful to girls you like, then be that guy. (Remember: be congruent)

If she verbally or at least let you know in any way that she doesn’t want to be treated that way, then respect her boundaries.

Scenario 3 is when you’re fine with her and she’s also fine with having conversations with you.

Then have a conversation. You need not be sweet when you don’t feel like it.

So, when should you be sweet to her? Depends on what you’re feeling, always remember to be congruent with your feelings.

The more honest and congruent you are to what you feel, the better you become.

Categories
dating

Healthy Ways To Deal With Being Ghosted

Hey there,

Have you ever been ghosted? or worse, being the ghoster? if you’re the latter, please find a healthy way to end the communication with the other person.

I remember being friends with this blonde girl that loves to wear sunglasses and has a high-sense of fashion (maybe not that high, but I like it), and suddenly she stopped replying to the messages I sent her.

It was Christmas, and I normally greeted her like a normal friend does, and it was “seen” just like that, I didn’t have any idea what happened. Basically, it was a total mind fuck.

It took few months of testing unique type of messages to see which ones she would respond. Yes, you read it right I did A/B testing, and she responded to some funny messages, something related to her, and something that I think she’s interested in.

Few messages she didn’t respond to are:

  • Common questions such as “How are you?”
  • Desperate messages such as “Sup/ Busy?”
  • Things that she’s not interested in
  • Corny jokes

At the end, how did I dealt with a ghoster? By being open, telling her that whenever she needs me feel free to reach out.

I also want to add that wish them well, because it’s something that I forgot to tell her and I hope you will to your ghoster. I think it feels great for both persons; when they know you want the best for each other.

It’s a powerful thing in knowing that someone out there wishes you well.

Don’t be angry or mad, feel the pain and process it and try your best to view them as the person you met at the beginning, when it was all rainbow and sunshine.

Yes, we are friends but I think my heart wants more…

The pain might last a little longer, but as long as you didn’t become bitter towards them it won’t turn to anger.

“Don’t be bitter, be better” – Unknown, that would be my same advised to anyone who’s been hurt by someone.